No it wasn’t, he told himself. All he’d done was kiss her. It had just happened. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Or maybe it was both their faults and they should… Except he didn’t know what they should do. He didn’t know anything.
The front door closed. Ryan moved to intercept Cassie in the foyer. “We have to talk.”
She drew in a deep breath and shook her head. “Not tonight, Ryan. I’m tired and I’m getting a headache. I don’t usually suffer from them, so I’m sure it will be gone by morning.”
He didn’t think she was torturing him on purpose, but that was how it felt. “Please, just for a few minutes. I don’t want to make your headache worse, but we do need to talk.”
Cassie hesitated, then led the way into the living room. Ryan followed on her heels. When she took a seat on the sofa, he thought about settling next to her, but he couldn’t imagine being able to stay still a minute longer. Sitting through dinner was nearly the most difficult thing he’d ever done. He glanced down at her, opened his mouth, closed it and began to pace.
Several floor lamps added light to the room. The furniture was large but comfortable, done in blues and greens, accented by oak tables. Ryan forced himself to take a couple of deep breaths. He walked from the window to the fireplace and back, stopping in front of her.
“You’re not wearing your promise ring,” he blurted out at last.
A faint smile touched the corner of her mouth. “I know.”
“This isn’t the least bit humorous to me.” His tone was sharp and her smile faded. “What happened to it?”
“I didn’t lose it if that’s what you’re asking,” she said. “I gave it back to Joel.”
He’d already figured out the truth, even as he’d tried to deny it to himself. He didn’t want to hear this. He didn’t want to know. The guilt returned and swamped him. She’d given back her ring because of him? He refused to accept that. He paced again, then swore under his breath. They did not have a relationship. What the hell was she thinking?
Questions filled his mind. Questions and answers and fears and guilt. “This isn’t my fault,” he said quickly. “It was just a kiss. I apologized this morning. That’s not a reason to break off your engagement. You shouldn’t have done that. You weren’t thinking.”
If he was trying to make it all her fault, he was doing a poor job. Worse, he was practically squirming to get away and that wasn’t his style. Ryan forced himself to stand in front of her.
“Don’t panic, Ryan. Joel isn’t going to come after you with a shotgun. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I suspect you’re making this more complicated and more personal than it has to be.”
She sounded so calm. Her gaze was steady, her body language relaxed. She wore a dark green dress and matching pumps. Her hair curled away from her face, exposing her big eyes and perfect cheekbones. Not to mention her tempting mouth.
He jerked his attention away from her lips. “Then why don’t you explain it to me.”
“All right. I didn’t give Joel back the ring because you and I kissed. I gave him back the ring because of how the kiss made me feel.” She held up her hand when he would have interrupted her. “They’re not the same thing at all. Let me finish. Joel and I have been together for years. In all that time, through all the kissing and hugging and hand-holding, I never once experienced anything close to the passion I felt last night.”
He started to tell her that kisses were always like that, but he found he couldn’t lie. He’d never experienced that kind of wanting before, either.
“So you told him.” It wasn’t a question.
“I had to. First I told him about the kiss, but he was surprisingly unconcerned.”
That startled Ryan into sitting down on the opposite end of the sofa. “What do you mean?”
She recounted her conversation with Joel, sharing her ex-boyfriend’s theory about the need to sow wild oats.
“He’s crazy,” Ryan muttered more to himself than her. If he’d been involved with Cassie and had found out she’d kissed another man, he would have gone wild with rage and jealousy. “So because he wasn’t worried or upset, you broke up with him?” He shook his head. “That makes about as much sense to me as the fact that you told him the truth in the first place. You didn’t have to do that. It was a one-time thing, never to be repeated.”
Cassie stared at him as if he were a particularly slow child. “You’re missing the point entirely,” she said. “I didn’t break up with him because of the kiss, or because he didn’t get upset. I broke up with him because I’ve had a lot of questions for a long time. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with our relationship or why we didn’t seem to feel any physical desire for each other.” She took a deep breath and continued. “Because I had no frame of reference, I didn’t know if there was something wrong between Joel and me or if all those songwriters and poets had been lying. Last night I learned there was a whole world waiting for me. A world of incredibly physical sensation.” A dreamy expression crossed her face. “I want that. Not just sex for the sake of having sex, but a relationship that involves an emotional as well as a physical connection. I broke up with Joel because I’m not willing to settle anymore. This time I want it all.”